Lazy days of summer...

Loren is off at camp this week with 30 of his high school friends.  We had some sad goodbyes, especially from the little one, who apparently just realized on Sunday that her dad was gonna be gone for a week.  But, all in all, we take these trips in stride.  Loren goes every summer to camp and we try to use that time to do some fun little things with just us girls.

And, in years past, I have also taken these opportunities, these quiet evenings at home alone, to do household projects.  That room that needs painting?  Yep...I'm gonna stay up all night after the kids go to bed and get it done.  That wallpaper that needs to come down?  You better believe that'll be gone when he gets back.  That garage that needs cleaning out?  I'm on it.

But here's the truth, folks.  I haven't done any of that crap this week.  And I'm not gonna.

Maybe it's because I'm lazy.  It really could be.  I've worried before that maybe I am.  But I also wonder if maybe it's because there is a bit more life in my days, these days.  My kids aren't napping for three hours in the afternoon anymore.  They aren't eating disposable jars of baby food or filled up by a banana at breakfast. And they certainly aren't sitting in johnny jump ups or saucers bouncing their little hearts out without ever really going anywhere. 

We are on the go! We're at the garden pulling weeds and jumping on the trampoline (A post coming soon on our amazing garden!).  We're swimming next door and trying to keep Ava from skinny dipping. (I swear that girl wants to be naked in the water and I seem to be helpless to stop her!) We are watching friends play baseball, and meeting friends at the park, and having friends sleep over.  We are teaching the kids to cook and to do cartwheels and to ride bikes with no training wheels. And we are spending time with our high school friends and teen moms (more on the teen moms later, too) and with our small group from church.

It's fun and full and at the end of the day, I am spent.  And the thought of starting some project just pales in comparison to the thought of sitting and reading, or crocheting, or sleeping.

My life is spent on the people that I love. And, at the end of the day, I am bone tired.  And I think maybe that's how it should be. I think that might just be what the end of the day is all about.  The end. Done.  Finished.
 
You know what I think, fellow moms?  I think tired looks an awful lot like lazy.  But I'm pretty sure it's not the same thing.  When did we get convinced that it was?  Well I'm not buying it. So I won't be heading upstairs tonight to reorganize the linen closet, which looks like three little girls have been building and destroying forts in there for most of the spring months.  Cause I've got some sleeping to do instead.  Tomorrow's coming.

No

I spend a lot of the time telling my children no.  So much so that Bella, my child who always wishes to know the outcome to every question she plans to ask before it is asked, has begun starting off her requests with, “Are you gonna say no?” …before she even asks the question.

My insides cringe a bit when she says that.  And my internal dialogue goes something like this.  “Am I such a meanie that she feels like all I ever say is ‘no’?  I mean, don’t I sometimes say yes?  Am I a fun parent or am I just a parent who tells them no?  Does she believe that I want good things for her?”  And on and on and on.  The crazy, obsessive thoughts are not something I counted on when I planned my delightful foray into motherhood.

And then, today, I had this thought. The fact is, I do tell my children “no” a lot.  But it’s because frankly, sometimes they are ridiculous.  They don’t know what’s best for them.  They are constantly asking for things that aren’t good for them.  Candy (I probably say yes to candy too often), television, to stay up later, to duck out of piano practice, to endless sleepovers and more dessert and snack after snack after snack.  And I am constantly saying no.  If they would only learn to ask for more vegetables, and decent bedtime hours, and for goodness sake would I shut off the television so they can do some more informational reading, I could say yes more often.  But, they’re kids.  And they don’t ask for those things.  And so I say no.  Because I love them so much.

It’s good to say no.  We need no.

Which brings me to my own life.  In light of my tiny understanding of God and his purposes and what is good for me, it’s a wonder he says yes to me as often as he does.  More often, it seems sometimes, the answer is no…if I even bother to ask.  Too often, I rush ahead without asking.  Taking whatever I want, doing whatever I want because it seems good.  My kids do that, too.  (Particularly a certain three year old I know.)  It never turns out very well. For either of us.  

In truth, though, I’m a little more like Bella.  And I generally like to know the answer before I ask the question. Because there is a tiny control freak that lives inside of me.  And so, I often measure my requests.  I don’t ask a lot for what I really want because I’m afraid of no.  Why am I so afraid of that?  Do I think God is such a meanie that all he ever wants to say is no?  Doesn’t he sometimes say yes?  Do I really believe he is good?  And if I do, then can’t I believe that if he says no, it’s because he loves me so much?  What am I missing out on because I am afraid to ask?

So, what I’m asking for now, is that I would feel the freedom to ask for whatever I want.  The freedom to be ridiculous in the face of a God who loves me. The freedom to know that my value in Him isn’t diminished when I ask for something he doesn’t say yes to. The freedom to hear ‘no’ and believe that it’s because he loves me so much.  And I’ll hope and pray that, one day, those requests line up with His  plans and purposes more often than not as I grow and learn to love him more.  Because a girl gets tired of hearing no all the time.  Just ask Bella.

I think that’s a request God can say yes to. Freedom to rest in my love for you?  Yes, Beloved.  And he probably feels the same sense of relief that I do when my kids finally ask for something that’s good for them, something that is easy to say yes to, something that makes me smile and say, “For goodness sakes yes.  Let’s get you that right now.”              

Crochet Fun!

Lately, the energy and creativity I used to save for writing have been channeled into my new love.  Crocheting!  Well...it's not that new. I learned to crochet in 2002, but I spent the last ten years only being able to make simple scarves and baby blankets. "I can't read a pattern," I thought.  "It takes too much time and energy to learn something new!"

But, about a year ago, while I was crocheting up a baby blanket for my adorable niece, I wanted to add a little something special to it.  Just a simple heart on the corner.  So, I googled it.  And then I googled all the parts of the pattern that I didn't understand.  Google is amazing.  About an hour later...viola!  A little crocheted heart that I could sew on the corner of that hot pink blanket to tell Kynlee how much her auntie loves her.  And....I was hooked.  Ha!  Get it...HOOKED! :)  I started looking for more patterns.  More simple things I could learn.  And guess what? There are THOUSANDS of free patterns on the internet.

And guess what else is awesome?  A lot of the crochet blogs that I am currently devouring are written, interestingly enough, by people from the UK, which makes it a delight to read!  All that talk of things they are crocheting for their flats, and their mums, and getting "cross with bits of yarn when they get tangled straight away."  It's intoxicating.  Not to mention that crochet blogs are some of the most colorful, beautiful things to look at.

All that to say, I have been creating things left and right.  And I can hardly finish one thing before I start another.  And my husband, a smart man to feed my addiction to yarny things, got me a crochet magazine for Christmas with all kinds of interesting patterns and these instructions, "I want you to make me a sweater someday."  Now, this is interesting, because he's not really the sweater-wearing type.  I think he just wants what we all want.  To be wrapped in something that someone made with you in mind.

I'm not ready to tackle a whole man-sized sweater yet, though.  So, I'm starting small.

I made a bunch of these swirly, twirly scarves around Christmastime to give as gifts.  Because I feel like, in Colorado, you can never have enough beautiful scarves. This is a tiny toddler version I made for Ava and she looks insanely adorable with it wrapped around her like a grown-up girl.

I made a few of these hats, too.  Such fun little girly hats with beautiful cluster stitching and super easy flowers.  This is Hope's and it looks super cute on her.

This baby blanket with all it's ripply goodness is still in the process but I love the way it is shaping up.  And the pattern is so easy, I almost feel ashamed that I didn't step out of my straight line, double crochet baby blankets sooner.

And this adorable cupcake was made for a little girl who is turning one. I think it's the perfect gift for a sweet little future cupcake baker.

I've also made my first pair of mittens and my first shawl and there is a lot more coming.  Including these amazing little matryoshka dolls.   Are you kidding me?!?  How cute are these.  Oh yes, I will definitely be making some of these.

There are a million fun things you can do with yarn and I think in 2013, I might  just try out a couple hundred ideas.  So, if you don't see me for a while, you might want to rescue me from my basket of yarn and insist that I rejoin the outside world for at least a couple of hours.

A Week of Thankfuls...January 4, 2013

I am thankful for adoption!

-I'm thankful that God chose this unique road for our family and that we have experienced the miracle of adoption.

-I'm thankful for three birthmoms who made a brave and sacrificial choice.  They amaze me and I'm thankful that we get to see them and stay in contact.

-I'm thankful that God's timing is perfect, that he redeems what's broken, and that he blesses us with more than we can even ask for.

-I'm thankful for adoption agencies who sorted out all the paperwork, who held our hands through the process, and who prepared us as best they could.

-I'm thankful that our story of adoption has taught me so much and continues to teach me about love, mercy, healing, and how God makes a way when there seems to be none.

So, so thankful!     

A Week of Thankfuls...January 3, 2013

I'm thankful for my friends!

-I'm thankful that the prayer I prayed early on in college...for best friends...has long since been answered in these precious people.

-I'm thankful for friends who have their own stories of adoption.  You have no idea what a blessing that is to our family.

-  I'm thankful for friends that are next door neighbors.  Friends that share flour and eggs and hands and hearts. We are better people because we live next door.

-I'm thankful for friends who make me laugh and who cry with me and who hold me accountable.

-I'm thankful for friends that are far away but still manage to call at just the right times, to be present in all the important moments, to pray for us faithfully.  Seeing far away friends in person after time away, and picking right up where you left off, is one of the sweetest friendship gifts ever.

-I'm thankful for friends who instantly make me relax in their presence.  And the deep joy that comes from the goodness of being known and loved.

-I'm thankful for friends who teach me how to be a better wife, a better mom, a better friend, a better follower of Jesus...and that they love me when I miss the mark.